Author: Elizabeth

Letters to Nolan: 5 Months

Elizabeth2 Comments
Dear Nolan,
I love that you were born on the 1st of the month, because every time you turn a new month, it’s like a fresh start. Today, you had a really good day. I can’t say your 4th month was my favorite- lots and lots of crying and trying to make you happy. I think I’m finally starting to figure you out: you need a routine, and lots and lots of rest/sleep at home. You’ve also been seeing the chiropractor. I’m finally seeing a happy, smiley baby for more than just a few fleeting moments at a time. Let’s hope this trend continues!
Nolan, at 5 months you:
– Weigh 13 pounds, 3 ounces
– Wear size 3 month and 3-6 month clothes, and size 1 diaper
– Take both breastmilk and formula, and have almost mastered holding your own bottle (!!!)
– Slept your crib for the first time last night and did great! You have been in the pack and play bassinet since you were born. 
– Still sleep best when you are swaddled tight
– Go to bed about 5:30 pm. Wake 1-2 times at night to nurse, but go right back to sleep after. You wake up for the day at 6:00 am but are down for your first nap at 7:00. This has been a lifesaver for all of us. 
-Have discovered your hands and they are constantly in your mouth. You suck your thumb occasionally. 
-Are just beginning to grab for toys
-Need a haircut, but Daddy is going to need some convincing. 
-Think your sister is the funniest and most amazing person ever, and you love your brother too. They both adore you.
-Have been left in the church nursery twice now and did well both times- yay!

Sweet boy, I think we are going to make it. Our days are far from easy but I’m so glad you are mine. 

Love,
Mommy

A Not So Great Start to the Year

Elizabeth7 Comments

Grayson is sick. He’s been throwing up green bile and has been pretty miserable. We’ve been running Pedialyte through his tube all day and watching him closely for worsening symptoms. Normally, we would be in the ER, but are just waiting it out for now (and praying) because a hospital stay this week seems logistically impossible. But in reality, I’m giving it a 50/50 chance we’ll be there tomorrow. 

Thanks a lot, January. Good riddance. 
This month has been stressful. I spent the majority of my time and mental energy trying to figure out why my precious little baby, whose babyhood is so fleeting, was so damn unhappy most of the time. It seemed like his constant crying was the soundtrack to days where I was literally being pulled in three directions by three children who required their needs be met RIGHT NOW. And it felt like I bounced from one tiny person to the next, triaging their issues, but never really parenting any of them well. And every night, as soon as the third one was safe in her bed, I collapsed into mine, dead asleep most nights by 7:30. 
I saw my doctor the other day about this- anxiety and possible depression. Apparently going to bed this early (and not wanting to do anything other than sleep) isn’t normal at 5 months post partum, and I’m still in the window where I can be diagnosed with PPD. And while I feel like I’m suffering more anxiety right now than depression, I’m being proactive in treating it. And I’m only putting this out there because I know a lot of people have such a hard time talking about it and don’t get the help they need (looking back, I absolutely had PPD after Grayson’s birth and traumatic first week of life, but felt shame and embarrassment and didn’t get the help I should have, ugh). This time though, I was honest with my doctor about what’s going on, and already feel so much better for being proactive about it. 
Thankfully, Nolan seems to be (maybe) turning a corner. Thank God. I took him to the doctor a little over a week ago- our pediatrician wasn’t in, but after days of constant screaming I was desperate to see anyone who could help. The doctor we saw was the exact opposite of helpful. She was so fixated on the fact that Nolan hasn’t had any vaccines that she couldn’t seem to focus on anything I was saying about the actual reason I was there, which had absolutely nothing to do with contagious disease. And it didn’t help that the little toot was happy as a lark and smiling the entire time we were talking. 
I left the doctor absolutely livid and with nothing but a copay, parking charges, and an unhappy baby. I immediately called the chiropractor who my friend had recommended. Long story short, my high maintenace little guy is now seeing the chiropractor three times a week. And while I didn’t see a miraculous change all of a sudden, he’s slowly but surely becoming more content and a much better napper. My A-ha moment of the week has been the 7:00 am nap. Nolan normally wakes up around 5:45 and we come downstairs about 6:00, when Grayson’s nurse leaves. For weeks (months?) I’ve been incredibly stressed trying to get everyone fed, dressed and out the door, all while Nolan cried nonstop. But the last four mornings, I’ve nursed him when he’s woken up at 6:00 then given him a bottle and put him down for a nap at 7:00, and he’s slept for at least an hour and a half every time! I’ve also been more diligent about putting him down for naps throughout the day at approximately the same time. I’m realizing that this little baby requires much more scheduling and structure to his day than my other two did, which isn’t really in his job description as the third child. He’s not really a “go with the flow” kind of guy, and it’s forcing me to drastically change how we do our days. For five years, I’ve gotten out of the house almost every day, and now, for this season and this child, I don’t think I’m going to be able to do that. This is causing me some anxiety and guilt because I feel like Charlotte is going to be missing out some, but we will make it. And slowing down and spending more time at home probably is a good thing for me. 
I just wish “home” wasn’t here. After three months on the market, our house hasn’t sold. We are in such limbo- our current house is not working for our family’s needs for so many reasons, we have to keep it show-ready, and yet we still have to live here. And I just don’t think I’m doing a very good job most days of balancing it all- living in the present and yet planning for what we think our future is going to look like. 
All this to say, I’m glad January is on its way out. I still have such high hopes for 2016- bigger and better things for everyone in my family- and I hope those things start to happen in February. Tomorrow is a new day!

Letters to Charlotte: 3 Years

Elizabeth2 Comments

Dear Charlotte,

Happy 3rd Birthday to my Charnado, aka Shirley Temple (what you say is your name every time you are asked). We’ve had a great day celebrating you: cake for breakfast, the park with your cousin, and an afternoon playing at home. I told you I would make you a special birthday lunch and with excitement you said, “A peanut butter and jelly sandwich?!” DONE. 

In 3 years, you have gone from a tiny helpless baby to an independent, firecracker little girl. You live life with everything you’ve got, always full speed. You move and talk at a rate that I find difficult and exhausting to keep up with, but I love trying. You are emotional, stubborn, and opinionated- all traits that frustrate me to tears some days, but that I secretly greatly admire. I know you will do big things with your life and influence many with that personality of yours. 
THIS. This is YOU in a picture. 

Charlotte, at 3 years old you:
– Weigh about 30 pounds and wear size 3T clothes and size 8 shoe
– Would eat waffles 3 meals a day if I let you
– Love to be at home. Unlike your mama, you are content to stay at home all day and play
-Sleep 12-13 hours at night, and never give us any trouble at bedtime. You sleep with at least 20-25 toys/books/stuffed animals a night and sometimes wear shoes to bed. But because you sleep so well, I don’t have any issue with that. 
– Rarely nap anymore, but will play quietly in your bed for about an hour most days

– Are still attached to your beloved Milton

– Love collecting little things and arranging them. You almost always have a little toy in your hand
– Are newly into Elsa, Ana, and Olaf, as well as the Disney princesses, even though you’ve never seen any of the movies
– Are obsessed with play-doh
– Love Peppa Pig, Curious George, and Daniel Tiger (you lost interest in him for awhile, but he’s back in your rotation now)
-Are a sweet big sister to Nolan and are coming back around to Grayson. Since Nolan was born, you’ve taken a lot of your angst out on your GG (especially when we have to leave the house to take him or pick him up from school). Lately though, you’ve been asking a lot to get in his bed with him, so we’ve been letting ya’ll have sibling bonding time. 
-Adore your Daddy and go on lots of “dates” with him, usually involving the park and ice cream. 
– Are really struggling with potty training. You have no real interest and to be honest, I’m frustrated. I know you will do it when your ready, and I’m trying to figure out how to be firm, yet encouraging and positive. 
– Are rarely silent and ask a million questions a day. You will ask the same question over and over and over if you aren’t satisfied with the answer. 

Yesterday, I “interviewed”  you. I planned to write down questions so I can ask you the same ones every year, but well, life is crazy these days and that didn’t happen. I thought we both did a good job on the fly, though. You are pretty cute, little girl. 
Happy Birthday Charlotte Faith. I’m so glad I’ve had the past 3 years to hang out with you- you make life FUN!
Love,
Mommy
 
 

Life Lately, According to my Phone

Elizabeth3 Comments

Every morning around 10 am, I have an urge to write in this space. I have ideas, sentences and paragraphs form in my brain and I want to get them out. And I promise myself that after the kids are in bed, I’ll sit and blog. But then I don’t. Parenting three is hard- it just is. I didn’t get one minute of a break today for 12 hours. It’s 7:36 pm, and I’m in bed- my body aches and my brain is done. But this blog is still so important to me, for me, and I want to capture what I can, when I can. And tonight that means a phone photo dump. So here they are- my favorites from 2016 so far. 

As you know, I struggle(d) a lot with having to supplement Nolan with formula. But you know what’s totally awesome that doesn’t happen with breastfeeding?This eye-lock while he’s bottle feeding. Love. 

And I have the best little helper with putting together these million-parts bottles

Putty is fun for everyone!

A rare moment when he’s on the floor, by himself, and not screaming. Gosh I love that baby

Comfortable?

Poor kid has his parents’ body type- loooong torso and short legs. 

So this was Christmas morning, not 2016, but how sweet are these brothers? You would melt to see how they love each other. It’s kind of amazing to watch two non-verbal kids express joy with the other. 

And then there’s these two. 

These rings are Grayson’s very favorite thing- they are easy for him to hold and chew on. Apparently he’s not the only one who is a fan. 

Letters to Nolan: 4 Months

Elizabeth1 Comment

Dear Nolan, 

Happy 4 months and Happy New Year little guy! We are just wrapping up your first Christmas and I definitely tried to soak up the season with you, my last little baby. There’s just something really special about having a baby at Christmas, and I’ll miss it. 

You have grown and changed a lot in the past month. For starters, you gained 2 pounds! While you are still tiny for your age (as were all Baker babies) you now have an adorable double chin and squishy thighs. The best part of this past month was last week when you started to laugh. It’s just the best, and really, so much more pleasant than your crying. And speaking of crying, why do you do that so much? You have earned the nickname Grumpy Gus, because you are the moodiest little guy. You still refuse to be put down for more than a few minutes at a time and just generally fuss a lot. To your credit though, I think your tolerance of the car has gotten a bit better- you know longer scream hysterically every time we go anywhere. So thanks for that. This week, I decided we need to figure out if your fussiness is food related, so I’ve started by eliminating dairy from my diet for breastfeeding and supplementing with a hypoallergenic formula. You don’t have any other signs of a food intolerance other than your crying, but it’s worth a shot to see if it helps. 

Nolan, at 4 months, you:
– Weigh 12 pounds, 9 ounces
– Wear size 3 month clothing and size 1 diapers
– Are breastfeeding and eating formula about every 3-4 hours during the day. We had a weight check right after you turned 3 months and your doctor and I decided it would be best to supplement with formula to get you gaining a little faster. It made me sad, but I am thankful and relieved we are doing what we need to do to make sure you grow and stay healthy. 
– Are not napping consistently. Your pack and play that you sleep in is in our room and I think the room is too light during the day. We may need to look into getting a blackout curtain until we move and you get your own room and crib. 
– Go to bed around 5:30 pm and sleep a 7-9 hour stretch. You wake up to breastfeed, go back to sleep and are usually up for the day around 6:30 am. 
– Are losing some of your gorgeous hair in the back, which makes me sad. I am also sadly losing my hair- post-partum hair loss is the worst!
– Adore your siblings, and the feeling is mututal. Charlotte always wants to know where you are and loves talking to you and saying your name (No-laaaan) and Grayson loves looking at you and patting your face and hair. 

This week will mark one year since we found out you were going to join our family. We had prayed for you and were so thankful to be expecting one last little miracle to complete our family. And here  you are, one year later, the cutest little 4 month old sound asleep upstairs. God is good. Happy 4 months Nolan Reid!
Love,
Mommy

2015

Elizabeth3 Comments

I’ve read quite a few year end recaps today, and it seems like 2015 wasn’t too kind to anyone. And just like 2013 (my last really hard year), I’ll be glad to close the door on 2015 and am looking forward to a hopefully much calmer, uneventful new year. 

I spent 2015 just surviving. I was pregnant for the majority of the year, and was sick and/or nauseus all 9 months. Charlotte turned two and got a baby brother, which evidently wasn’t a great combination for her. We had some really, really challenging months with her; thankfully, lately she’s come around and is back to her hilarious, sweet self and is generally pleasant to be around. She turns three in January and reminds me frequently that we will be celebrating the occasion with a Play-doh Cake (???) and NO MORE DIAPERS (oh please God, let this be true). 
Grayson has had a really great year in terms of not being sick. He hasn’t had a seizure since Valentines Day and was only hospitalized a few times other than his surgery. May 5 was his big hip reconstruction surgery, and we had a very long, hot summer helping him recover. Unfortunately, any relief the surgery gave him with his spasticity is gone, and he is really struggling right now. His body is so stiff, and we are having an awful time keeping him in comfortable positions. He’s also back to gagging and retching constantly, which is frustrating because it makes him miserable and nothing we do seems to help him. He will have to have a second surgery, probably this summer, to remove the hardware from the first surgery. The end of the year always brings much thankfulness that we still have our sweet boy with us. 
2015 also marked the end of our family building. This is definitely bittersweet. I’ve had three wonderful birth experiences and it makes me sad I won’t get to do that again. And I love babies. But this last pregnancy, while parenting two others and being so sick, almost did me in. And our resources for parenting- finances, time, patience, seats in our van, sleep- are maxed out at three. And Nolan, God bless that sweet baby, isn’t easy. He turns 4 months old tomorrow, and while it seems like this last infant period is just whizzing by, I’m ready for him to start playing with toys, napping better, and for the love, stop crying so much. 
Now that our family is complete, I hope that we can really start living, and not just surviving. I pray sooner than later this year we can move into a house that works for our family, because our current one just isn’t. My goals for 2016 are to drive (way) less, spend a ton more time outside, read more books, and only have 2 kids in diapers. 
I hope 2016 brings you and your families much joy and happiness. Happy New Year!

Santa Letters 2015

Elizabeth3 Comments

Every Christmas, my dad writes letters from “Santa” to all his grandchildren. This is one of my favorite traditions, and I know the kids will love reading these sweet words some day. Here are this year’s three letters:

Dear Grayson,

It is my great privilege to again be with you this Christmas Eve.  Being Santa is the greatest job in the world, but one of the compromises is that I can only be with my special friends while they sleep.  If we were to start talking and playing and carrying on I would never get to everybody.  So I am jotting down some thoughts on your parents’ laptop that I hope will stay with you until I come again next Christmas.

And I will come again, because Christmas is a promise.  God promised us that we would never be without Him, and he came personally to prove it.  Christmas comes in good times and bad, whether we are happy or sad or naughty or nice.  It causes me to ho ho ho when I hear people say that Christmas sneaks up on them, before they are ready.   None of us are ever ready, which is why the gift we are given is called Emmanuel – God wit love, and you show us that with your patience, sweet spirit, and especially by never being afraid. Your journey has taken you through valleys too numerous to count, but you show us that every valley, every valley, shall be exalted!  

Merry Christmas Grayson.  See you next year.
Santa



Dear Charlotte,

I thought of you over Germany when Dancing Queen came through my Beats by Dre wireless headphones. Orderliness may not be your thing, but joyful celebration surely is – joyful celebration and verbalizing the obvious.  Some people have the job of tending flocks by night.  Others get to shake them up by proclaiming “Glory to God in the Highest”.  There is no doubt as to your calling, Charlotte.

Make no mistake, Christmas Eve is all about disruption and stating the obvious.  Yes, the night we remember did start out silent, but only because there was nothing to say.  Everybody walked in darkness because their sin left them no choice.

Then, suddenly, there was a little child who would have a lot to say.  Some were not happy about His coming, but choirs of angels were, not to mention camels, sheep, wise men and even the stars in the sky.  The obvious had arrived.  The Word had become flesh.

I know that you are just beginning to understand all that – but what you were created for is fully formed.  You were made to bring energy and truth to the world.  You were made to discover and to proclaim.  I know.  I am Santa.  I check everything twice. 

So enjoy what I brought you and tell everybody about it in a thousand words or more.  Create a mess and rejoice in it.  Above all, state the obvious.  Joy to the World! 

Ho ho ho!  Merry Christmas Charlotte!   
Santa



Dear Nolan

Welcome first timer!  It would seem that you should be welcoming me, as I am standing in your house, for goodness sake.  But that’s not how it works on this particular evening.  You are about to experience the greatest tradition of our world, celebrating the now eternal covenant between God and Man. 

First, some basics.  I am Santa Clause, the gift guy.  I bring gifts to children all over the world as a symbol of the God’s gift of salvation, about which you will keep learning as long as you live.  I spend most of the year at the North Pole making gifts with a staff of elves, which I deliver every year on this evening via sleigh, even though most of the world’s children live in warm climates without snow.  Every year I come to South Texas to replicate how Northern Germans celebrate an event that occurred in the Middle East.  Go figure. 

Regarding Christmas tradition and celebration, here are some other things you should know.

·         The official dates are December 24 (Christmas Eve) and December 25 (Christmas Day)

·         Everybody pauses from their work and school activities

·         Lots of decorations are put up.  You have probably noticed the lights

·         You have probably also heard the seasonal music.  Get used to it.  The Christmas music canon was permanently closed when Julie Andrews stopped singing with the London Philharmonic

·         Families gather

·         Lots of food is served

·         Everyone says Merry Christmas before the day and Happy New Year after  

 

As to why we do all this stuff, it’s all summed up in a single phrase in a book by which your parents are raising you.

Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.

That Savior’s name is Jesus, Nolan.  He is the Lord of the Universe.  The fact that He came to us that evening is why I am able to watch you sleep on this evening.  You need never be afraid.

 So, I hope you enjoy what I have brought you.  Playing with the wrapping paper should be fun as well.  I will be back next year, and every year thereafter with more to this story.  Merry Christmas, Nolan!
 
Santa

 

Why We Don’t Do Family Dinners

Elizabeth6 Comments

Typically, this is how dinner/bedtime goes. 

1. After Grayson’s nurse arrives and takes him in his room to get ready for bed, put some combination of chicken/fruit/cheese on a plate. 
2. Pour almond milk and pray it’s in the “right” cup to avoid toddler meltdown
3. Charlotte eats meal while watching yet another play-doh or Peppa Pig video, and gets out of her chair about half a dozen times to play with actual play-doh. I nurse Nolan while she eats. 
4. I feel guilty that we are not having a family dinner, that she’s having screen time, and that she’s not eating vegetables. 
5. If I’m feeling super motivated, and Grayson’s nurse is here, and Nolan isn’t screaming, I’ll give Charlotte a bath. The other 4 or 5 nights, either Ryan or I wrestle her into a new diaper and nightgown, read her a couple books, and put her in bed. With all her craziness, she is awesome at bedtime. Doesn’t give us any trouble and is quick!
6. Let go of my guilt and replace it with pride and relief that I now have a 12 hour break from 2 of the 3 children.
7. Bathe Nolan, feed him, and put him to bed.
8. Ryan and I eat our own, seperate dinner in peace. 
Tonight, I had the wild idea to make everyone quesadillas that we could eat at the same time. What could go wrong?
1. Before I start dinner, I decide to trim Nolan’s fingernails. I get to the very last one, the thumb on his right hand. He was squriming and I missed. Oh the blood and screaming. I feel AWFUL, and he’s currently sleeping with guaze around his little thumb and a sock over his hand. 
2. Already stressed, I start making the quesadillas. Charlotte starts screaming. Her chair is soaking wet and there’s a puddle on the floor. Turns out we forgot to put a diaper on her after she sat on the potty earlier. (Potty training is obvisouly going really well). 
3. Ryan cleans up the mess, gets her cleaned up, and I keep cooking. 
4. Nolan is screaming. He’s always screaming unless I’m holding him. 
5. Charlotte comes into the kitchen with her full cup of milk. My back was to her but she starts screaming. I turn- she’s slipped on and conked her head on the floor, and her milk cup went flying. Now I have a kid with a possible head injury who is screaming, milk splattered all over the kitchen, an infant who is screaming, and tortillas burning on the stove. 
6. Charlotte is fine, but Nolan has knocked the bandage off his thumb and is still bleeding, and is getting blood all over himself. Re-wrap his finger and hand him back to Ryan. 
7. Clean up milk in kitchen, and abandon all hope of family dinner. I take Nolan, hold him in one arm while I eat with the other, dropping chicken and tomatoes all over the couch. 
8. Charlotte has another meltdown when I tell her she can’t have blue play-doh (because for the love she is going to bed in 5 minutes). 
9. Curse to myself that we have no wine in the house but then I remember the tube of cookie dough n the fridge that I bought earlier today. That will work. 
10. Take the screaming, bloody infant upstairs and we close ourselves in the dark, QUIET bedroom and let Daddy finish dealing with the hot-mess toddler downstairs. 
No, apparently true family dinners just aren’t in the cards for us during this season. And I’m too exhausted to lose any sleep over it tonight. 

Disappointed

Elizabeth6 Comments

My third and final attempt at exclusively breastfeeding a baby ended this weekend. Nolan had a weight check on Friday, and despite my best efforts to get him to gain enough weight on breastmilk alone, he’s fallen completely off the growth chart. Sigh. 

I won’t lie, I’m really disappointed. I’m annoyed at my body because it has never produced enough milk for my babies. I’m irritated at the stress in my life that is most likely contributing to a low supply. I’m mad at myself that I spent a ton of money renting a pump that I never had time or motivation to really use, and then when I did use it, barely got any output anyway. And I’m sad that this isn’t working as well as it needs to, because it is working. Nolan is my first baby who breastfeeding isn’t painful, and from the beginning has been so much easier. And I don’t want to buy formula, or wash bottles. 
So, waaaaa. Whine, whine, whine. And moving on. 
I know- it’s not about me. It’s about making sure he’s fed, and growing. And he’s still getting breastmilk for the majortity of his food (we are starting with supplementing about 8 oz/day with formula).
I’m about ready to close this “infant feeding” chapter of my life- it’s been a really stressful, emotional road, and I’m tired of thinking, and overthinking, it. 
But this teeny tiny (hopefully not for much longer) milk-drunk baby- he’s the best. 

Letters to Nolan: 3 Months

Elizabeth2 Comments

Dear Nolan,

Nolan, Nolan, Nolan. Oh how I love you so. You are sweet, cuddly, and definitely a mama’s boy. And I love holding you, nursing you, and being physically close to you. But, oh my goodness, sweet baby, it really  is ok to be held by someone else, or God forbid, be by yourself for a few minutes. The last few weeks have been really challenging- you have been really fussy a lot of the time and if it’s possible to hate the car more than you did last month, it’s happening. Thankfully, Daddy’s football season is over so he is home a lot more helping with your brother and sister, so I’m able to (mostly) give you the attention you crave. 

Nolan, at 3 months, you:
– Weigh 10 pounds, 10 ounces, up a pound from last month. I’m a little concerned about your size and weight gain, and we have an appointment with the doctor on Friday to see if she’s concerned too. 

– Nurse every 2-3 hours during the day and about 2 times during the night. 
– Sleep a 6-7 hour stretch at night and then go about 3 hours after that. You don’t nap consistently during the day yet, but that’s my fault. We are usually out of the house most of the day, so I wear you or if I’m lucky you will fall asleep in the car. 

– Wear size 1 diapers and size 0-3 month clothes. 
– Look like a miniature old man more than a baby. 
–  Are tracking with your eyes REALLY well, are starting to coo a little, and occasionally roll over from tummy to back. 

You just celebrated your first Thanksgiving and will celebrate your first Christmas in a few weeks. This year, I am most thankful for you and what a precious gift from God you are. Happy 3 months sweet little guy. 
Love, 
Mommy