Three. The year that is lasting forever. The year that is making me laugh and cry, but mostly cry.
Having a three  year old means I go from moments like this…

To this…

In a matter of minutes.

It means a tiny tornado (er, Charnado) of emotions, demands, and messes.

It means never being sure what personality is going to come down the stairs in the morning and wondering how many battles I’m prepared to fight before breakfast.

It means letting her wear a pink party dress to Chick Fil A because that is definitely one battle I’m not fighting. 

It means a major meltdown because I won’t let her walk the 20 miles to church.

It means questioning everything from why I wanted kids in the first place to am I really sure I’m not living with a sociopath in pigtails? 

It means being so angry and frustrated one second to laughing (and totally thrown for a loop) the next. 

It means going for ice cream just because even though neither of us really deserve it, but somehow ice cream helps with forgiveness. 

It means getting tough questions (Mommy, why are there bad guys? Why are those people not kind?) and having to be ok with not having a perfect answers.

It means letting her be a sister to her brothers, and figuring out on her own what that looks like. (It’s complicated).

It means watching her learn and try to understand the concept of God, and prayer.

It means both loathing and loving her sassy attitude.

It means riding out these incredibly exhausting, discouraging days because I have so much hope that better days are ahead.

I love when my past blog posts pop up on my TimeHop app, so I really am going to try to be better and updating my blog on the everyday stuff of life that I will surely forget if I don’t write it down.

School Updates:

• Grayson has 2 weeks of Kindergarten under his belt! When asked how it’s going, I can honestly say on our end, mostly very, very good. I love his teacher, and I can tell G does too. I’ve talked to her almost every day and it’s obvious she loves him and is concerned with him getting the very best care. She texts me pictures and writes me notes about sweet things he does. However, I really think she and the paraprofessionals in his classroom are struggling with his medical needs. Most of the calls I get are concerns with how he is feeling, his frequent retching and vomiting, and his fatigue. He was sent home “sick” from school last Monday; he wasn’t sick, he was just really tired. And then Friday, there was an incident on the bus where he started retching and the bus driver thought he was having a seizure (he wasn’t). I had an honest conversation with his teacher after that and we discussed G possibly moving to another school with the classroom for kids who are medically fragile, which, when we moved, is where we assumed G would be. I don’t know if he will be moved or not, but I told her we would be ok if that’s where they think he should be. So we’ll see.

• The BUS! I LOVE THE BUS! G started riding this week and it just makes our mornings and afternoons so much less stressful. We have all loved going outside in the mornings to wait (the weather has been great). Charlotte and Nolan love watching their brother ride the lift and be wheeled in, and we wave as he rides away.

• Charlotte starts school this Wednesday. HALLELUJAH. This girl needs school to start in the worst way, or maybe that’s me. She will be going three days this year (MWF) and we are so excited about her new school. We had Meet the Teacher on Friday and she loved meeting her sweet teachers and playing in her classroom.

• These two cutie cousins share a birthday, and we celebrated the big THREE (Theo) and ONE (Nolan) last weekend at the ranch. Theo is into all things construction and wanted a “Wrecking Ball Cake” so the three year olds, Grammie, and Aunt Rebecca made it happen.

• Charnado has a pretty bad shiner right now due to her falling off the bed at the ranch. Never a dull moment with this girl!

• Nolan’s favorite pastime, next to playing in the toilet, is playing in the refrigerator. And dumping anything in his reach on top of him (this is G’s formula).

• We are so thrilled that for the first time we have neighbors who have become friends! Charlotte and their little boy are the same age and play really well together. We’ve played at home and at the park, and had them over for dinner last night. It was crazy, loud and messy, but so much fun.

• Grayson’s patio he is getting through Make A Wish is currently being re-built for the third time. The first two attempts were with flagstone, and it just wasn’t done correctly and didn’t look good nor was it safe for a wheelchair or little feet playing outside. There is a new company taking over the project that is pouring concrete instead, which was our original “wish”. Although this has been a really frustrating ordeal, we are so grateful to Make A Wish for working with our family to give G the best outdoor space possible.

• I am loving writing for Houston Moms Blog, and keep forgetting to link my posts here. Over the past few months I’ve written about raising white kids who take a stand against racial discrimination, my love of podcasts, our potty training struggles with Charlotte, and my thoughts on being done with the infant feeding chapter of my life.
• Every Sunday the kids all look so cute in their church clothes and sometimes I try and get a picture. It never quite matches my vision, but eh, it’s real life.

Happy Birthday big boy! I sit here writing you this letter as you sit in your highchair, inhaling blueberries (you LOVE blueberries) and I think about a year ago at about this time, early in the morning. I was anxious, uncomfortable, and so, so ready to meet you. Thankfully, later that evening, I did. And then began a year of craziness. To be honest, your first year has been stressful yet wonderful, painful yet life-changing. The transition to 3 children was incredibly hard, but at the end of your first year, I am so thankful for you and your role in our family. 

It seems as though overnight, you have morphed from a baby to a toddler. You are so close to walking (can take 3-4 steps at a time), are scaling slides and other playground equipment like a champ, throwing food off your tray, and are getting into all kinds of mischief involving toilets and toilet paper (insert many eye rolls here). You aren’t saying much as far as actual words, but you are LOUD and have big emotions. You and Charlotte are constantly chasing each other and wrestling and you can hold your own with her, no question. 

Nolan, at 1 year you:

• Weigh 20 pounds, 13 ounces
• Wear size 12 month and 12-18 month clothing and size 3 diapers
• Have 2 teeth!
• Are drinking both formula and whole milk in your bottles and we are working towards ditching the formula completely
• Are a really good eater. You love all kinds of fruit, carrots, peanut butter anything, and of course, Goldfish.
• Think the worst kind of torture imaginable is getting your diaper changed or getting dressed. 
• Are sleeping well at night for the most part, but no matter what time we put you to bed (normally it’s around 6:00) have been refusing to sleep past 5:00 am the past few mornings.
• Have had 3 haircuts
• Are so healthy, and I am so, so thankful for this. You made it through year 1 with zero illnesses- no fevers, ear infections, nothing.

Happy Birthday to YOU, sweet boy. It’s going to be a great second year! I love you!

Love,

Mommy