Ryan and I volunteered in the church nursery this morning. Ryan kind of grumbled about it, but I think he enjoyed it once he got there and got to play with some of the babies. Grayson doesn’t really “play” yet and I know Ryan’s looking forward to the day when he can push buttons on a toy, roll a ball, and stack blocks.
We were originally scheduled to help in a class with toddlers, but they were short-handed, so we ended up in Grayson’s class, which is a combination of little babies to early walkers. It was so interesting to observe and interact with these babies for an hour and to see what skills they have and how they interact with each other and their toys.
I know I’ve written about this before, but it’s really hard not to compare Grayson to other babies. Well, I shouldn’t even say really hard, because for me, it’s impossible. I forget, or it’s just not at the forefront of my mind most of the time, how different Grayson is. First, he’s just so tiny. When I’m with him all day, he doesn’t seem all that small (in fact, he’s nearly tripled his birth weight, which seems astounding to me), but when I see someone else holding him next to another baby, I realize how itty bitty he is. Second, obviously his development is delayed. I know, duh. But again, when I’m at home working with him, he’s just Grayson- not “Grayson laying next to baby who is meeting his milestones on time”.
The other day on the Today show, there was a woman who admitted that she never liked her child. As I watched the segment, I just grew angrier and angrier and so sad for her little girl. When she was a baby, she wasn’t meeting her milestones and had some social and emotional delays as well. The woman was disgusted and disappointed that her daughter wasn’t normal. I am anything but disgusted and disappointed with Grayson. I think he is the most precious, amazing baby in the world and I love him so much more than I have words to express it with.
No, I’m not disappointed for him, but I am worried about his future. I’m so scared he’s going to stay tiny, and especially with him being a boy, I’m worried about him being made fun of. Both Ryan and I love sports, and I want Grayson to be able to play if that’s what he wants to do, and it will break my heart if he physically can’t. I’m really worried about school- the way education funding is being cut, I’m not sure public school is going to provide what my son is going to need, and private school is not exactly in our budget.
I know- he’s not even 9 months old yet- BREATHE, Elizabeth. I’ve got to pace myself- I think tomorrow I’ll go back to worrying about when he’s going to sit up on his own (because that day will be so nice!)