Breakfast With Santa

This morning, Grayson was one lucky little elf who got to have breakfast with Santa, his cousins Quincey and Cooper, Aunt Brittany, Dear, and Mommy and Daddy.
Daddy wasn’t too thrilled with Grayson’s outfit, but I LOVE it. He’ll only be a baby once, and can wear polo shirts the rest of his life right? Try putting a 10 year old in a personalized applique shirt, candy cane pants, and reindeer slippers.
Grayson (who has ZERO separation anxiety) happily went to Santa and was mesmerized by his white beard.
The breakfast was held at Brookwood Community, which has the most delicious food and incredible gift shop imaginable. A Christmas wonderland.
It was such a fun morning outing and sweet G was tuckered out when we got home and has been asleep ever since.
Thank you Dear for such a fun Christmas treat!

Friday Night Ramblings

I’m tired. So, so tired. In the thick of each day, I look at this mess, that project, that other mess and think Tonight. When Grayson goes to bed then I’ll get this stuff done. Ha. As soon as that sweet little baby head hits the mattress and that thumb is securely in his mouth I. AM. DONE.  Tonight- I’ve been parked on the couch for an hour and 45 minutes, alternating clicks between Facebook, Twitter and my reader, stopping every few minutes to play Words with Friends (my new addiction- anyone want to play?? Yes, I realized I am really late jumping on this bandwagon), and vaguely paying attention to a Christmas movie on TV. No, I’m not doing one thing productive, interesting, or Super-Mom-ish (because yes, I have this idea that I should be baking, or crafting, or well, at least cleaning- after my baby goes to bed). But tonight, I just don’t care.

This has been a tough week- physically and emotionally. Grayson has once again decided that his wake up time is 4:30 AM. And well, I would just leave him in his crib to teach him this is an absurdly inappropriate hour to be UP! except that his stupid tube is his favorite forbidden fruit these days- anytime he can get his hands (and teeth) on it, he has a ball yanking, chewing and tangling his body in it. And let’s not forget the all-time-favorite wrapping the tube around his neck trick. Oy.

So today we started our day at, yes, 4:30, so by 7:30 he’s ready for a nap. Sleep when the baby sleeps? Um, not at 7:30 AM (Confession: for this morning person, 7:30 is about my prime- I’m ready to GO). So the nap happened, and then a trip to the hospital to get blood drawn happened. It was awful, of course, but I have noticed in the three times we’ve had blood drawn since getting the tube (what? Poor baby has had blood drawn 3 times in 6 weeks. Life for Grayson is sometimes just not fair), it’s been a ton easier for the technician to find G’s vein. Hmmm…hydrated? Anyway, today they drew blood to test for some pretty scary stuff, so keep THAT in your prayers please (yeah, for it to be NEG.A.TIVE.)

Got blood? I have lots, apparently

The highlight of our day was our morning playdate, with three high school friends and their little ones (so fun to reconnect). I’ve said it a million times, but I am SO BLESSED to have the most wonderful friends who are so supportive and love my little guy. And these friends blessed our family today with some gifts and I am so, so humbled and appreciative. While being around friends and their babies is energizing and wonderful, it also always makes me a little sad too. Sad that Grayson can’t crawl or walk to get into stuff he’s not supposed to. He doesn’t sit and grab for a book to look at. He’s just so different than babies his own age, and now sadly, babies months younger than him. The gap is glaringly wide.

I got a call from the hospital today with our pre-surgery instructions and schedule for Monday. Surgery scheduled for 7:30 AM and we have to be there at 6:00 AM. Well, I guess that jives just fine with our current wake up time. And to be honest, I’m glad it’s bright and early- let’s get this thing over with! I’m trying not to think about things like the fact that Grayson will be under anesthesia and will have a hole in his stomach, and instead focus on good things like GETTING RID OF THE NG TUBE!

So this weekend my mission is to get in the holiday spirit. We are having breakfast with Santa tomorrow- I think G should definitely sport this get-up- what do you think? (I am in love with these Huggies Santa diapers a sweet friend left on our door yesterday).

Chunky thighs? We’re working on ’em.

 Anyway, that’s all I’ve got tonight. I think I’ll go crawl into bed and continue this mindless evening a little more comfortably. After all, my boss is going to make me be up in just a few short hours.

Again

Are you tired of feeding tube drama yet? Yes? Stop reading.

We had to go back to the ER again this morning. We woke up to Grayson crying in his crib, tangled up in his tube, coughing, and sneezing milk. Gross.

This is the 3rd time we’ve had to go to the ER to get the NG replaced- twice on the weekend and once when we were out of town. Seriously? What is wrong with having a minor medical emergency sometime between Monday and Friday when our pediatrician is open?

Well, it doesn’t matter. We have a week to go with until the G-tube surgery, and if the NG comes out again, we aren’t putting it back in. I cannot watch my baby be tortured like he was this morning- screaming hysterically and we absolutely could not console him for a long time. I hate pinning my baby down on a table, his daddy holding his head, while a nurse shoves a tube down his nose making him bleed, then stretching wads of tape on his sweet little face. We left the hospital with a totally spent, sweaty baby with a face red and wet from screaming. If it comes out before next Monday, I will just do what I have to do to get food/liquids in him. If I have to squirt Pediasure in his mouth with a syringe every hour that’s what I’ll do.

Today made me really scared for the future. Parenting and caring for Grayson is and is going to be very difficult. I know we are going through an unusually stressful time right now, but it makes me wonder- what’s next? 

We have an appointment tomorrow with G’s neurologist and Wednesday with anesthesiology at the hospital where he’ll have his surgery next Monday. I’m really, really, really sick of going to doctors. I feel like Grayson needs a break to just be. We are living from one doctors appointment to the next, one ER visit to the next.

But- he’s resilient. Amazingly, by the afternoon, he doesn’t hold a grudge about being tortured in the morning. I don’t think I would be so forgiving. And he went to bed at 5:45 pm. I absolutely adore that kid.

12 More Days!

GI follow up this morning. Ryan and I had already discussed that I was going to insist that we needed to be DONE with the NG tube ASAP. After last week’s fiasco in Savannah, our love-hate relationship with the NG is leaning more towards the hate side. We knew the probable next step is the G-tube, but I was expecting more resistance and “let’s wait and see” attitude from the doctor. I was prepared to be pushy and insistent (soooo not me at all) that the NG has to go.

Turns out, I didn’t have to be pushy at all. My conversation with the nurse:

“So how’s the NG going?”

“Well, it’s doing it’s job, but driving us nuts.”

“So you’re ready for the button?”

“Yes.”

“Ok, let’s schedule surgery.”

Ummm…ok. Thank you for letting me be my sweet, non-agressive self and save my energy for saving my squirmy, fussy baby from falling off the exam table.

I talked to the doctor for a long time, and he explained the procedure in detail. Grayson will have the initial surgery with a hospital stay of at least one night, then 6 weeks later, when the tube site has healed, he will have another out-patient procedure to get the button.

In his physical exam of Grayson, he commented that his liver seemed a little low and large. (Me: amazed that he can feel the size and location of his liver by poking around his tummy. Doctors are so cool when they aren’t being annoying.) Now this information of course made me a tad panicky…what? We have a liver problem now? Sheesh. Well, apparently, large livers are common in kids with mitochondrial disease. The funniest thing was the doctor pulled out his wallet and rummaged around until he found his liver ruler (so where do you keep your liver ruler? Did you know there was even such a thing?) and measured it. He didn’t seem too concerned, but did order a blood draw to test his liver enzymes. So once we left his office, we schlepped downstairs so my little pincushion could be stuck again. My new line for blood people: “Are you good with little ones? ‘Cause he’s a hard-stick.” Look at me, I have a line. Now, don’t ask me what I would do if I ever get “No” for an answer to that question. Thankfully, this one was honest and got his vein on the first try. I made sure she knew I thought she was awesome.

We left the appointment with a surgery date of December 29. Seriously, we have another MONTH with the NG? Gah. The nurse promised she would call me if another date opened up.

Two hours later, I had a voicemail- December 12 just became available! So 12 more days and I’ll be able to kiss those sweet cheeks again, sans tape and tube!

Now, don’t read this thinking I am excited that Grayson is having surgery. I’m not. If I could, I would feed him macaroni and cheese, chicken nuggets, fruit pieces, or whatever else is normal for 14 month olds to dine on. What a lot of people don’t understand about kids who have feeding tubes is it’s not just a matter of finding foods they like and thinking then they will magically start eating. If it was that easy, no kid would be on a tube. Grayson needs nutrition, and he needs it consistently. The best way for him to grow and thrive right now is to be tube fed. So because a feeding tube is our best way of getting G nutrition, I am thrilled he is getting a G-tube and getting rid of the NG.

And as always, thank you all for your continued support of our family on this crazy, unexpected journey.

14 Months!

Dear Grayson,

Oh, my sweet little Monster Man. What a month it has been! You have now had your tube for a whole month, and for the most part are doing really well with it. I do have to pry the tubing out of your death grip and razor sharp teeth every once in awhile, but you generally leave it alone. And OH MY what a difference it is making! You are growing and filling out before my eyes! You now have an adorable little double chin and chunky-monkey thighs- I love it! You weigh right around 18 pounds now, depending on what doctor we are visiting and the reading on their scale (hmmm). I need to weigh you on our home scale and see what it says. We’ve FINALLY moved to size 3 diapers and you are in all 12 month clothes. Hooray!

This month, you have become so chatty- you babble constantly and I love when you say Mmmmmm-MA! Mmmmmm-MA! You also say Ba and occasionally Ga. Food is still not really your thing- you will usually accept a bite or two of whatever I offer you but then lose interest or just flat out refuse. I guess when you are fed 24 hours a day you don’t have much of an appetite. We go back to the doctor this week and I am anxious to find out what your future holds in terms of the tube.

I know this letter is a week late, but we were on vacation last week. You got to meet your three new second cousins, see your great grandparents, visit with your aunts and uncles, and celebrate Thanksgiving with some of the people who love you most. We are so, so thankful that God has blessed our family with you.

This coming month is going to be busy! We again have lots of doctors appointments, therapy sessions, and a possible surgery that will help the doctors get closer to figuring out a diagnosis for you. On top of that, it’s Christmas time! Yesterday, we decorated our house for Christmas and are going to do our best to make it a wonderful Christmas for you. Of course, if Santa brings you any more toys, he’s going to have to buy Mommy and Daddy a bigger house because there is no room for any more Grayson-stuff in this house!

Happy 14 months Grayson- I love you so, so much.

Love,
Mommy

P.S. I’m sorry I lost your 14th month onesie sticker. I’m sure it will turn up…when you are no longer 14 months 😦

It’s Good to Be Home

We just got back last night from a week long trip to Charlotte and Savannah. I’ve been in recovery mode all day.

Traveling with a 14 month old is hard. Traveling with a 14 month old who has an NG tube, can’t sit in a restaurant high chair, and generally isn’t into entertaining himself is exhausting. When we got home from vacation last night, I really wanted to kiss our swing, excersaucer, Bumbo seat, and every other baby contraption that I swear I will never take for granted ever again!

The Highs:

  • Meeting Grayson’s three new second cousins who were born since we were last in Charlotte. Gotta love a house full of babies!

G with 2 of his new cousins, Anna Merritt and Caroline
  •  Visiting with my grandparents, and seeing them love on Grayson.
G was so calm and sweet in Grandaddy’s lap
  • Savannah- seeing where my little sis goes to school, the shopping, the parks, the architecture, the food (yummy Paula Deen Thanksgiving dinner!).
My little turkey

  • Grayson being serenaded in a square by this guy…and I SO wish I had videoed when he finished singing and blessed Grayson and told us he would be praying for him and that he’s going to “be ok”.
  
  •  Family. My parents who so generously took us all on this trip. My brothers and sister and sisters in law I don’t get to see enough. My own little family of 3. It was nice to be all together.
The Lows:
  •  Airport Security. We had to go through it 3 times, and yes, we survived, but what a pain. The first time, we didn’t disconnect G’s tube, so he had to have a pat-down in the stroller. The second time, we disconnected him and put everything through the scanner. They searched every single item in our bag- feeding bags, formula, syringes, medication, extra supplies. Somehow we left missing a bag of syringes- grr. The third trip was the worst. Not only was every item searched, but the woman tested each bottle of medication (including Tylenol). Then (and please someone smarter than me explain the logic of this) when I asked if G’s feeding bag of formula was going to be tested, she said, “No, I don’t want to open it but I have to do a pat-down on you instead.” Umm…ok. (Because my master plan of putting explosives in a feeding bag and using a baby as a decoy surely will be foiled by patting me down instead of testing the formula.) Anyway, I have now officially been violated by TSA. Yes, they patted me down everywhere. Several times.

  •  The Savannah hospital emergency room. Yes, we had to go get the tube put back in. We tried to do it ourselves, but as I pushed the thing down his nose, it didn’t go into G’s stomach, but came out his mouth instead. Awful. I wanted to throw up. The fact that all these doctors think that I can do this at home is just a joke. Not going to happen. Anyway, off the the ER we went- again. And let’s just say I am now very thankful to live in a city with world class hospitals, because, yes, there is a difference. A huge difference.
  •  Confused, tired baby. Baby who didn’t have his bed, his toys, his equipment. Baby who wanted to be held constantly, and who cried and cried when he wasn’t the absolute center of attention (and even sometimes when he was).

So, I’m glad we got the chance to be with family, and to explore a new city. But, I’m done travelling forever for a long time. If anyone wants to see us, they can come to us!

Save the Salad Bar!

Grayson, my mom and I had lunch with my grandparents yesterday at their retirement community in Charlotte, NC. Grayson got fussy during the meal, so we took a walk in the lobby for a few minutes. There was a large poster display of the proposed new dining hall renovation for the community, and post-its for the residents to leave comments of their opinions of the plan on the board.

(Ridiculous! Regressive! Insane!)(Creating Social and Physical Barriers)(NO SALAD BAR)(Too Small)(Bah Humbug!)(Colors are too dark)

HILARIOUS. I just hope there isn’t a riot during the Thanksgiving meal on Thursday.

Happy Thanksgiving, and Bah Humbug!

Genetics Appointment

Grayson’s genetics appointment was this morning. We’ve had this appointment for months and months, and were anxiously waiting to finally talk to the doctor about all his issues. The past few weeks I’d been worried that we’d come out of the appointment underwhelmed and disappointed with a lack of answers. Well, fortunately that wasn’t the case. We have a LOT of information to process, both intellectually and emotionally.

We liked the doctor a lot. He presented a lot of complicated medical information in a way that we could (mostly) understand and answered my questions and patiently repeated and clarified anything I asked him to. He was sweet and personable with G-Man (which I have come to realize is very important to me). And he seems to be aggressive and interested in figuring out the cause and treatment for G’s condition.

We started with a complete medical history, both for Grayson and Ryan and me. It always catches me off guard when I give a summary of all we are dealing with- in everyday life, I rarely focus on all of his issues at once, but it tends to overwhelm me when I talk about all of them: developmental delay, failure to thrive, vision impairment, seizures, low muscle tone, eating issues, gastric emptying delay, and possible hearing and speech problems. It’s a lot.

He also did a physical exam and made a lot of notes. Several things he pointed out: G’s reflexes aren’t normal (you know, when they tap your knees), he still has the Babinski response- his big toe goes up when you stroke the bottom of his foot (babies usually lose this reflex at about 6 months), and he has Clonus. I had never heard of Clonus, but he showed me what it was- when he flexed G’s ankle, it almost looked like it was vibrating- the doctor said he counted 25 movements before it stopped (less than 5 is normal). All of these indicate that his central nervous system isn’t firing correctly, which we knew.

So, after reviewing the bloodwork we’d had drawn previously, his symptoms, and the physical exam, the doctor told us he suspects Grayson has one of two disorders: Mitochondrial disease or Congenital Disorder of Glycosylation. I know quite a bit about Mito, since that’s what his neurologist has brought up before, but I had never heard of CDG. I still know almost nothing about it, and am in no mood to consult Dr. Google tonight. But apparently there are several types of CDG and only one is treatable and it’s highly unlikely G has that type, since it’s usually marked by constant diarrhea (which G does NOT have). G also does not have 2 physical characteristics of CDG- inverted nipples and fat pads on his butt, but this does not exclude him from having it. Thankfully, for this disorder, it’s a simple blood test to diagnose, which we did today. We should know if he has CDG in about a week.

If Grayson tests negative for CDG, which is likely, he will be tested for Mitochondrial disease. Mito is a little trickier- it’s very difficult to diagnose, and it’s not just a simple bloodtest. He will have to have a muscle biopsy, which is a surgery, under general anestheisa. The doctor was honest- it’s invasive, will leave a scar (on his thigh or calf) and is a tough recovery. They will test the muscle for a lot of things which will take about 10 weeks. IF the biopsy comes back showing mito, then we have to narrow it down to which gene(s) are affected. Here’s the kicker- there is a blood test for that which identifies the defective gene out of MILLIONS and MILLIONS, but it’s only been out for ONE WEEK and costs $25,000. Yes, your read that right. Twenty five THOUSAND dollars. Insurance, are you listening? Oy. The doctor said he’s done this test in clinical trials and has diagnosed a number of children with it.

Of course we are sad, anxious and scared that G will probably have to have the biopsy. And to make matters worse, he may have to have 2 surgeries in the coming months if he ends up needing a G-tube. But, we have to do everything we can to learn the cause of his problems, so we know how best to help him. I almost cried at one point during the appointment- he was talking to us about having a child with special needs and how we need to prepare for this to be a lifelong journey. He was absolutely upfront and honest- Grayson will most likely have significant learning disabilities and may not walk or talk for quite some time. Of course I already knew this, but hearing a doctor say it was different. Tough.

I debated whether or not to write about this next issue, but I’m an open book and it helps me to write and just get it out. Both CDG and Mito are usually inherited. Usually, not always. I don’t completely understand the complexities of how, and in what combinations, but what I do understand is that there is a definite possibility that any of our future children could be affected by the same disorder. If whatever he has did come from us, at best, we would have a 25% chance of passing it on again, at worst, 100%. If and when Grayson is diagnosed, Ryan and I will be tested. The doctor talked to us about several options- an amniocentesis during pregnancy, which really won’t be an option for us because we would not terminate a pregnancy, or IVF with genetic testing of the embryos before implantation. And of course there is adoption, which we do have a heart for.

But for now, we need to focus all our attention, energies, resources, and love on Grayson. He’s amazing- with all he goes through every day, he still manages to give us that heart-melting smile and silly giggle. I am determined to give him the best possible life- whatever it takes.

And now, just because, here’s a couple pictures of our cutie-pie little trooper.

I Just Don’t Have Time For You

No, not YOU. I will always make time for the sweet friends who read my blog and offer so much support. YOU are not who I am talking about.

We’ve got a lot going on right now. The approaching holiday season, 5 doctors appointments in the next 3 weeks (including genetics on Thursday), several therapy sessions a week, a high maintenance baby with a feeding tube, and a trip to North Carolina and Georgia next week. I’m also trying to fit in working from home, several painting orders, time with my husband, and time with friends.

But, if you are one of the following, so sorry, but I just don’t have time to mess with you right now.

  • My depressed dog. Hank, really? Everyone knows how much I love you and think you really are the coolest dog ever, but I cannot deal with your depression anymore. I KNOW we left you for two weeks, but it’s not like we were vacationing in the Caribbean.  We were in the hospital with your very sick little brother. And hello, when we do leave you, it’s at your favorite place on earth, other than your Dad’s leather chair. And I KNOW things are tense at home a lot of the time now, but your parents are adjusting to our “new normal” too, not just you. Please stop eating diapers- it’s not only disgusting but we do not have the time or the funds to take you to an emergency vet (well, let’s face it, or the regular vet). And please stop counter surfing, refusing to eat your dog food, destroying your brother’s toys, and pacing instead of going to sleep at night. I love you, but I do not have time to deal with your mental state right now.

  • The Drivers Licence Office. I tried. A sweet friend offered to watch Grayson today while I schlepped down there to renew my licence that expired a month ago. I pulled up and the line was literally wrapped around the building- at least a 4 hour wait. What mom has 4 hours to wait in a line with a mob of people who either look like they just escaped from prison or live under a bridge somewhere? Where are all the normal people- am I the only one who has to get her licence renewed? (And yes, I looked into doing it online. Since I did it online last time, this time I have to go in person- of course.). So WHO KNOWS when I will be a legal driver again.

  • People who send unhelpful text messages. Grayson’s home health nurse, who we have met once, was sick last Friday so she didn’t come. Fine. Really we don’t need her at all- we can go to the pediatrician during the week if we have an issue with the tube. So I get a text message from her this afternoon: “hi elizabeth, I’m still sick…flu! I don’t want to share with Grayson. I will call u when I’m well. if needed can continue to go to ER for replacement.” Yes, that’s SO HELPFUL since every time we go to the ER it’s $350! Thanks for the tip. Sheesh.

Disclaimer: Notice I can only come up with three real annoyances in my life right now? I am loving all the “Thankful” posts on Facebook and blogs this week- and have so much to be thankful for right now that I admit I’m a little overwhelmed by the kindness of people and am kind of at a loss of how to express my thankfulness appropriately. Am definitely planning a “thankful” post or two in the coming week, but tonight I just wanted to vent a little! Thanks.