Unsettled

In the past week, several people I am close to have been closely, personally affected by tragedy. A mentally ill college student stabbed students when he should have been in a class my friend was teaching and a wreck involving a car and a school bus took the life of a woman right in front of the high school my husband works at. Then of course yesterday the news of Boston broke.

I’m feeling really unsettled right now, realizing just how powerless I am in protecting my kids from so many awful things that could happen to them.

Mito is slowly stealing Grayson’s life, and has already robbed him of countless experiences and milestones. I can’t stop it or control it any more than I could stop a madman intent on blowing up a city who could care less if a child was one of his victims.

Social media has been full of inspirational posts in the last 24 hours, with reminders that there is more light than darkness, there are always people who will help, etc, etc. True, yes, but that doesn’t negate the fact that there is darkness and  people who are out to hurt rather than help.

There’s not much that makes me feel more powerless than holding my little boy when he’s seizing. I can watch the clock and administer his medicine after so many minutes, but beyond that, all I can do is hold his stiff little body close and wait for the seizure to end. I never know when one is going to start; I can’t prevent it, shorten it, or stop it.

Unfortunately, out in the world, the same thing happens to innocent people, and children, every day. Evil and darkness strike with no warning. People’s lives are destroyed in the blink of an eye. I know I can’t hide my children away, hold them close and protect them from all bad things, but I sure wish I could. I know I need to be part of the light, and raise children who are part of the light too, but the darkness sure is frightening, and feels so close to home.

4 thoughts on “Unsettled

  1. Right there with you.The inspirational posts almost make me feel worse. "Look for the helpers" .. I don't want to. I don't want there to BE helpers, because I don't want there to NEED to be helpers. Not like this, not this way.It feels so hopeless, like no matter how much light we put out into the world, there will always be shadows and we will never win.

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  3. I have had the heaviest heart this week and can't shake the anxiety that something could happen to my babies. Then I think of you and Grayson, and all the fears you deal with daily. I wish our kids could grow up without any of the negative, in a perfect world. The way things are just breaks my heart.

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