Somehow, I blinked, and I’ve entered the 3rd trimester of pregnancy. What? And now the holidays are here, which always fly by in well, a blink. So basically I’m going to have a baby in like, 5 minutes.
Am I excited? Yes. I’m so excited to know whether this baby is a he or a she, to know whether he or she looks like Grayson and to cuddle with and take pictures of my TWO children. I am amazed at God’s plan for our family- because this was definitely not OUR plan. But if we had followed our plan, I wouldn’t be cherishing these sweet kicks all day long, and Grayson might have never had the opportunity to be a big brother. I’m excited for teeny tiny baby clothes, that sweet newborn smell, and honestly, giving birth again (I just thought it was amazing the first time around).
Am I anxious? Yes. This morning, as I was holding and singing to Grayson as he puked his guts out, then giving him his meds, getting him dressed, etc, etc, etc, I thought, how am I going to do this times TWO? Yikes. Because I am going to have two babies. Grayson is a toddler in title only. I’m anxious about the birth, and the days after, because along with watching closely for signs of Mito, there are things I want done and not done at the hospital that may or may not be met with opposition- and I’m really not good with confrontation. I’m anxious about breastfeeding. I really want to try it again (and hopefully succeed), but last time the whole experience was so traumatic that I’m scared it’s going to open those emotional wounds. And lastly, I’m dreading the sleep deprivation. I have not forgotten what it feels like to force my body that feels like lead to get up for the 4th time in the night, and being willing to give anything for a few consecutive hours of sleep.
Am I ready? Um, No. We have a crib and a chair for the nursery. We still need to find a dresser/changing table. I’m not decorating because our house is on the market and who knows if we’ll be in this house when the baby arrives. Also, I want to do gender specific, so somehow in my spare time later (HA) I’ll be decorating the room. We could basically open our own Babies R Us with all the baby crap we own, but I am registering for a few items we need (a second video monitor, mobile, and sheets to name a few). If anyone has any suggestions of the latest and greatest baby things we can’t live without, please let me know!
It’s so interesting how different my mindset is right now, good and bad. I know SO much more than I did two years ago, but sometimes I think I know so much. When I was pregnant with Grayson, my main thoughts were babies! cute nurseries! tiny clothes! Now, when I think about this baby, I think about how many genetic diseases we can test for and rule out at birth, vaccinations, signs for and preventing dehydration, and obsessing about how big my belly is and wondering if that correlates with a healthy baby.
For comparison: This was me at 33 weeks pregnant with Grayson
And this is me today, at 28 weeks, 1 day pregnant. And wearing long sleeves- it finally got below the 80s today!
About the same, right? And 5 weeks difference. I don’t know if it means anything or not, or if it’s just because it’s the second pregnancy, but it makes me a little less anxious!
So here we go, ready or not- the home stretch. And just because he’s cute, the future big brother this morning before school (in his fall clothes- yay!). And yes, to get him to smile, I said “Grayson is a BIG BROTHER!” (I know, he has no idea what’s coming- ha!)